Don't be shy! It's a forum, say something
Seniors on Angry Birds Nest Page 10
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1086 Comments
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Edited, as per Kewpie instructions!
A man living in California rings his son in Memphis and says "Son, me and your Mum have decided to get divorced. We just can't stand the sight of each other anymore"
The son replies, "But you can't do that. 48 years together must mean something"
Dad says "Yeah, 48 years of apathy, at best, and loathing and hatred"
The son replies"Well I'm ringing my sister to see what she says"
He rings his sister in Boston and explains the situation.
She then rings Mum and Dad "We're both coming to your place as soon as we can get there to talk some sense into you"
Dad puts the phone down, looks at his wife and says "Success, they're both coming for Christmas and they're paying their own air fare"
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@Hunnybunny -- Hilarious!
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@Hunnybunny - really liked that one, but you should leave off the first line (because it's not actually true, is it?), and start with "A husband rings his son ...."
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Roflmao @Hunnybunny!!! I only come here once in a while but every time i do i get a good laugh:)
@kewpie i didn't understand what you meant? It is a joke after all nothing is true..or it could be that's what makes it funny get it!! -
@Kewpie - You should add the pic by using Gravatar, here's a link where you can see the instructions: http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/forum/discussion/9/how-do-i-create-an-avatar :)
Edit: It may take a while before it updates!
*is sorry for bumping into seniors thread again* -
Erm.... I know I'm not a senior. But I have a real funny story.
One day, a man asked his girlfriend to marry him.
His girlfriend said no.
And the man lived happily ever after. -
There are three hair styles for a man:
Parted
Not parted
Departed -
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.."
***********************
An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife...." -
God will provide for us
A young woman brings her fiance home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar", he replies.
"A Torah scholar... Hmmm", the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study", the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies", the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks: "How did it go, Honey?"
And the father answers: "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God." -
Coming out of the angry birds closet :-) Gramma of four in 50s, absolutely addicted, 3 starred every level of all android versions - except still havent beat last level of cloud city :-) - not a high score addict though so i just finally joined facebook so i can play there too :-)
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Hi @grammyk - welcome from another Grandmother! Read the explanation of your name in the Seniors forum - how great that your grandchild finally gave you a user name! I see @mvlna welcomed you too - do try out the BP (Bloated Pig) forum - everyone is very friendly though some of us are slightly nutty!
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Hey @grannyK, welcome to the nest!! I can't do the click thingy but I can give you directions! Just as the seniors forum is well in the gold bar up top marked forum, if you click the forum gold bar it will take you to all the forums, scroll down to the one that says Bloated Pig, that will take you to the first page, I suggest you read it so you'll become familiar with the nuances of the rules and some of the "players" ie the serving staff and the menu, then click on the last page and you'll be where everyone has just posted. It's a bit slow at the moment but just pop in and say Hi, someone will usually pop in and remember its not a live chat room so you need to refresh to see any new posts. :) long winded but there you go! ;) Hope to see you there!
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Give A Little Extra
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some
extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little
extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would
be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and
noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so
excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and
said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised
her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her
way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much
and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation,
pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said,
"I'll take him and him and him."
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Despite what you may have seen on the streets, IMHO the following combinations do not go together:
1. A nose ring and bifocals.
2. Spiked hair and bald spots.
3. A pierced tongue and dentures.
4. Miniskirts and support hose.
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
6. Speedos and cellulite.
7. A bellybutton ring and a gallbladder surgery scar.
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.
9. Midriff shirts and midriff bulge.
10. Bikinis and liver spots.
11. Short shorts and varicose veins.
12. In-line skates and a walker.
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40 to me is a ridiculously young age. I started flinging when I got my first iPad two years ago. Now at the age of 61 I am working my way through the leader boards trying to post scores that are at least above average. I do have a #8 score in one level of Ham em High. Such glory!
AB is the only video game I play. I believe my eyes and reflexes are up to the task. Love being a member of the Nest. -
@birdfancier are you a new member? If so welcome;) ,i haven't seen you post anywhere on walkthrough pages..Congrats on #8 :) nice flinging:)
If you find a fancy stop in to the Bloated Pig found in the forum..its a little virtual pub where some of us gather to chat, seek help on different issues..if you read page 1 you will get the jist;) -
@birdfancier -- Hope you get this. Not sure how forum notification are working. It's a little weird that your profile shows a space "Bird Fancier", but the space didn't appear in your post.
Anyway, you should post all your scores -- Your personal leaderboard can help you figure out which level to work on next, because you can post by "off average", "off high" and "rank". I admit I didn't enter scores for quite a while, but wish I'd started sooner. -
@birdfancier -- Are you looking at AB HD as opposed to the plain AB? GC combined both leaderboards into one a while ago. I started out playing AB on my iPhone, now play on iPad, but I never upgraded my phone apps to HD. If you need more help, best to ask AMSlimfordy (with an "@" in front).
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Back on June 9th, a group of Albertan bikers were riding west on the Transcanada highway when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the RCMP officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole' George here your best last kiss?"
So, without any hesitation, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the RCMP officer, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts.
You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed. -
Hahahahahahahahahaha ROFLMAO! @Kewpie I didn't see that ending coming. Great one, thanks. :D
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Welcome @birdfancier! Hope you take @Kathy up on the offer and pop into the BP when you've gotten your feet wet in the nest! :)
@kewpie.......WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAA Thanks for that one! I didn't see the ender coming either! I think my parentage are in for a good laugh tonight!! :D -
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
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Thanx to all who responded. Been nesting for less than a year, mostly to get strats. Started off as birdfancier but then switched to two words, which seems to have confused the site gods, as my avatar no longer appears. My goal now is to get all my scores into the leader boards, which will take forever as I do not choose to post below average scores. But who cares? We're having fun!
I fling
You fling
We all fling the Angry Birds! -
@Birdfancier -- One other reason to post all your scores, including the below-average ones, is to keep the averages down. We all help each other this way. I've even gotten some top scores (very fleeting) posting 1-star scores on the day an episode comes out. : D
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The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.'
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A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' -
New Thinking
THE QUESTION: Over a generation ago, in 1923, who was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the world's most successful of their day. Now, 90 years later, what ultimately became of them?
THE ANSWER:
1. The president of the largest steel company (Bethlehem Steel), Charles M. Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
3. The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.
However:
In the same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.
THE MORAL: Screw work. Play golf. You'll live longer and be better off in the end.
This discussion has been closed. Please check the new forum.
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