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Seniors on Angry Birds Nest Page 9
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1086 Comments
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Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha LMAO @Kimmiecv that reminded me of an old email I saved. But this actually happened!
The following is a winner in the
“Most Embarrassing Moment’s Contest” in New Woman Magazine.
“It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at
home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.
“As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested
to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and
A whole crowd of people yelled, ‘SURPRISE!’ My entire family -
aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins - and all my friends were standing
there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
“Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.”
-Tim Cahill; Poughkeepsie, New York
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Here's another :D
But Officer . . .
One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding
drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in
the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand,
I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit.
What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly!
Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her
that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep
this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
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Kimmie I love that you've jumped on the joke telling train! :D
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@Kimmie I wish my recently passed grandmother was still alive, she would have loved your joke. She was still going to the senior center at the age of 91 to drive the younger seniors to appt's, store, etc. She finally quit driving, not because she couldn't, but because she didn't think she could get the goodie out of a new car. LOL She liked to drive them for 15/20 years.
And in case you think I might be too young to be in the seniors forum, I'm 58. Just proves that a fat old bald man with fat fingers can surpass some of these young whipper-snappers. I've been in first place in Danger Zone for about 10 months and have been able to attain top 9 scores in all levels of Pig Dipper. Bragging...maybe, but I wanted to make sure us seniors know we can compete with the teenagers even with our failing eyesight. -
@Rat well said! I occasionally brag, alright, often brag! I'm a youngster, only 53
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You show 'em Rat! Wtg Another senior keeping the "young whipper-snappers" on their toes.
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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," Herman said. It's hundreds of them!" -
Woot @rat I've seen you in the leaderboards and your not to be messed with!!! Ha the teens only wish they could fling that good!! With your scores youve earned the right to beag, so brag away!! :D I'm happy to hear you liked my joke, got a big laugh with my folks too! Sounds like your gramma was a hoot!! Maybe the joke had a basis in truth? Hmmm spit it out @rat was it your gramma they were talking about?! LOL ;D Hey if your ever wandering through the forums pop into BP now and again, sit have a drink, maybe some food and chat with some of us nesters when you have the time! :)
Another funny @mumsie42!! Yep that badge suits you well, especially since the jokes are just a sidekick and your actually a natural with a humorous story and quick wit!! Now that's a true truffle shuffler!! LOL -
Watch What You Ask For
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:
"I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.
Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "It's the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke. "You have one more wish, what will you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful, and handsome young man."
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke. "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?
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Best joke so far Kimmie
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HahahahahaHahahahahaHahahahaha @Kimmiecv that Cinderella joke is priceless! Never heard that one before and it's going out to all my friends. Thanks! Hahahaha Alan!
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@hunnybunny and @Bird-addict I'm glad you got as big a kick out of that one as I did!! :D Priceless!! LOL
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A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I’d like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers
notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, “Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.
Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"
"No," he stammers, "But it’s quiverin' a little." -
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' With the
worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with
trembling hands.
Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more
children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt
anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other
people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday,
I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many
grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school
report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home! -
@BirdAddict -- Really good; even-he-who-does-not-laugh chuckled.
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Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
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One for @ABslimfordy (although not old enough to actually visit)
A Wife, coming home, finds the following:
My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 22-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset—I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 22 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 22 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 22. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. -
So You Think You Can Bounce? (not a joke : )
Last evening I was playing Abra-ca-Bacon, as I have one level remaining that is impossible to get three star in: 2-12. Just one star still, even with watching the walkthrough many times. :(
So, for the billionth time I flinged/flunged the set of blue triplet birds I call Huey, Dewey and Louie toward the wooden square pig between the rock and the hard place in the middle 3rd tower. Huey and Dewey, being totally inept (my fault), went off in a poof of dust. However, little Louie had hit the "sweet spot" on the pink trampoline and was bouncing, bouncing and bouncing in a straight line up above the clown! I counted over 200 bounces and thought they would get smaller and smaller but they remained the same height! I consulted the "Junior Woodchuck's Guide Book" but nothing was written about what to do. I should have left the game on see if he was still bouncing this morning but decided to watch "So You Think You Can Dance?" instead. Any one else have that happen? Would he have bounced "ad infinitum"? -
@Volare indeed my little blue bounced and bounced. And bounced. And knocked down the wooden structure, which was the last thing to fall, and got me my highest score. 2-12 is one of those levels that once you get the 3 star you never play again
Too many early memories of a certain duck?
And You Think You Can Dance? No, no no, please, no
Tip: flunged Huey, Dewie and Louie in high arc, split fairly early, hit a little bit of each of three right most towers. They fell sending piggies to meet their maker. Once the wooden structure collapsed of its own accord, once by the Louie doing his bouncing thing. The two left towers will collapse of their own accord (probably cos their watching Dancing with the Stars and decide to commit suicide) -
@Volare -- I too have had various birds bounce until my patience wore out, although I don't remember it happening on 2-12. If the bird bounces straight up and down, it will just continue, and not knock anything down unless directly overhead. Usually they just keep going higher and higher. Perhaps because the blue birds are the smallest, they will reach a limit and stay at same height.
Sometimes it will bounce almost straight up and down, but slowly move one way or the other. If it moves far enough and you are lucky enough, it will hit the slanted part of the bouncy thing and bounce into something, hopefully destroying it.
P.S. I too hate 2-12. At one point it was the only ACB level I was below average on, but the averages have gone up, so now there are several. -
@mvnla2 - thank you, but you may be sorry you said that. I'm a forum junkie in another place (no, NOT facebook, I don't go there!) and I've about worn out my welcome there, so ...
Something I'd really like to see Rovio do (unfortunately, I know they won't) is package up all the latest versions of the whole Angry Birds franchise, remove all the powerups and ads and interruptions to the main game, and put it on a DVD that I'd happily pay $100 for. I get so tired of the scrappy update / bugfix stuff with boring ads that can't be removed and all the side-lines like fluffy toys and extras.
I guess my age is showing. :( -
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34.. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40.. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. -
Atheist version:
#8 it's ok to get angry with nothing because there's nothing there.
#15 everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, there's nothing there that doesn't blink to watch your back.
#34 there's no higher power that loves you because of what you did or didn't do, bummer your an atheist as such your completely on your own in the end.
There ya go @angermanagement, a bit sad but then when your an atheist there's not much to look forward to when you die, your just dead. ;) -
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I take it your a thiest, @kimmiecv, I suppose it's good to know there's somebody watching your back at all times:] If there actually turns out to be a god, @hunnybunny, then I would just wallow in self-pity for the rest of my...erm...death;D
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@angermanagement I am not a thiest, I think you had a typo going there ;) But I thought it only fair to cover your request of a rewrite so all peeps would be covered, I believe to each his or her own, it's not for me to say what others choose to believe, that's what makes this world such an interesting place. Enough said. :)
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I agree @kimmiecv, and it wasn't a typo, "a thiest is the opposite of an athiest, aka. believes in a religion" :] Thanks, by the way:]
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Still a typo @angermanagement it should have been 'a theist' and I think it actually means believes in one deity or a personal God rather than believes in a religion, as a person can believe in God but follow a religion! But as @kimmiecv said 'enough said'
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That's what I wrote, @mumsie, and I try not to get confused with all of the different terms and meanings. For instance, the other day, my grandma said she was not religious, but she is part of Christianity, which is a religion, and religious is the demonym for religion... Anyway, I'll never understand it, all that matters is that we are all great, nice, loving and caring people, who believe what they see fit, and I repect that:]
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Safer not to start these religious/atheist discussions. I'm in a forum at another place where everyone tries to convert/unconvert everyone else and a lot of friendships have been destroyed. Belief systems, and their associated religious concepts, are best kept between strangers rather than people who want to be friends with each other.
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@angermanagement if you look back you'll realise it was a typo - you spelt theist incorrectly - of course if you meant a thIEst then that changes the whole discussion ! (Though to what I have absolutely no idea!) can I also draw your attention (again) to the title of this forum?
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Latest & greatest comment @mumsie
I don't come here much, actually not at all, but I saw the funny stuff on this page, and I have to say they're FUNNY STUFF! -
lol, dyslexic moment from me there;]
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An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to."
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
This discussion has been closed. Please check the new forum.
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