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Seniors on Angry Birds Nest Page 21
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1086 Comments
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Ha ha ! Talk about getting your Dad to put things in perspective!! Clever kid!
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I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?”
Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”.
The voice said “So what are you up to?”.
I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”.
From next door, “Can I come over?”.
Annoyed, I said, “rather busy right now”.
The voice said, “Listen, i will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions” -
Ahahaha @Kathy! I've seen that one before, but it's so funny I laugh every time! Can you imagine the person on the other end of that phone call hearing someone tinkle or toilets flushing? Even more hilarious and embarrassing for the one holding the phone!
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New experience
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!” -
The store clerk called 911 when they saw a customer collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, ''I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun.''
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law." -
@SweetP -- Good one!
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Roflmao @Sweetp ;)
Sick day
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.
“Hello.”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “Me.” -
Applause !
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn`t then the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, “I`ll get off.”
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping. -
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years! -
@Mumsie -- Great one! So great that hubby laughed and actually read all of them on this page, and enjoyed them all!
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Basic Maths!
The school teacher was taking the class in basic maths. She said to little Johnny, “If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?”
“Seven,” replied Johnny.
“No, Johnny,” explained the teacher. “That’s not the right answer. Listen. If I give you two apples, then I add another two apples and another two apples after that, how many have you got?”
“Six,” replied Johnny.
“That’s right,” said the teacher. “So, let’s try again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?”
“Seven,” replied Johnny.
“Seven!” wailed the teacher. “How do you get seven?”
“Because I’ve already got one rabbit at home!” -
Good one @kathy
@Cosmo2503 - just read in the Bloated Pig that you broke your hip - so sorry to hear that hope all is going well with your recovery - did you have to have it replaced? See you've said you'll be without wifi so you probably won't see this for ages sending you ((((hugs)))) What other games do you play? -
An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?"
"I'm 98," the man announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"
The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
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Good one @Mumsie
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@all -- If you don't know, @Cosmo2503 is in the hospital with a broken hip. She might not get much, if any internet access, but I'm sure she'll appreciate our good wishes when she does.
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Thanks for letting us know @mvnla2! I'm going to send her a PM full of healing spirits.
It will probably be awhile before she's feeling well enough to visit the Nest. -
(((((( HUGS )))) @cosmo2503 get well soon ;)
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ROFLMAO!! Why oh why don't I pop in more often? You guys crack me up!
@kimmiecv @mumsie42 @Birdaddict @Kathy @sweetp Bravo ladies! I've needed a giggle and you're just the tonic!
@cosmo2503 Oh my goodness that's awful :( It sounds like you'll have to rest up for quite some time but hopefully these ladies will help keep a smile on your face :D Take care and get well soon :) -
@Twylatime, I remember reel-to-reel tapes that my family used! My hubby and I get senior discounts anywhere and everywhere it's offered, and we love it!
Like @mvnla2, my age is also classified. But AB games are for ALL ages, and no matter what skill level you are, it's all about having fun!
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If this one doesn't pass the smell test for some of you let me know and ill ditch it but it was Too funny not to pass on,,,
Today's word is................. Fluctuations
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying
to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .
She asked the teller:
"Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said:
"Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says:
"Fluc you white people too"
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Bwaaaaaahahahaha! Good one, @kimmiecv!
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*Snicker* I was taking a break and when I read it it Screamed share me in seniors!!! ;D
Ok back to work.....sigh -
Lol @Kimmiecv it'sa good one! ! Only a few more hours you'll be done before ya know it! !
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. -
Wahhahahaha Good One @Mumsie ;)
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Hooooyaaaaaahahaha @Mumsie!
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@mvnla2 I'm here, all kinds of talking going on..uh, I'm 52, oldest game system? Atari, of course! Back when remote controls w/ cords for tvs and microwave ovens hadnt been invented yet!
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Hi @chimchangachick! Welcome to the Seniors forum!
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young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it onto the bayou bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts, "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!" -
@chimichangachick, @mecstaveler, @all
FYI I moved my comments about list of oldest ABN members to the first page. There is also a link to a bar chart in my album.
http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/forum/discussion/1404/seniors-on-angry-birds-nest/p1 -
@mvnla2 Oh, heavens. Sorry. I'll try to figure it out better before I post. Pages? Wow. Sounds complicated to my level of processing info. I did see a funny joke I wanted to laugh at and reply to. But I won't until I'm sure I'm in the right place.
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52, here. First video game, Pong. Hated donkey Kong or whatever it was called in those days, and PAC Man. Those last two were arcade games, which is what we played before video games. Fave game of that era; Space Invaders and Breakout. A tie. :-D
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@chimichangachick, @mecstaveler --
The old forum always opens to the first page. There is a list of page numbers in black boxes at the top and bottom of each page. The page you are on is in the one blue box on that row. It doesn't matter which page you are on when you write the reply; it always is posted on the last page. If you want to change pages, just select the page number you want from the list. Because there are so many pages in this forum, not to mention the BP, you may have to get there by selecting a number of intermediate pages before the number you want shows. In my comment above there is a link in blue to my comment on the first page.
These are the links to the first page and the current page (1981!) in the Bloated Pig:
http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/forum/discussion/1045/the-bloated-pig-a-place-for-weary-flingers/p1
http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/forum/discussion/1045/the-bloated-pig-a-place-for-weary-flingers/p1981
If you haven't been to the Bloated Pig (BP) before, you should really read the first page. Drinks and food are on the house for 1st time visitors. -
Hey @mecstaveler nice to see your here; )
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My favorite games also @mecstaveler were space invaders. .and i loved...I think it was called asteroids? Ahhh the old Atari. .hee hee memories..
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Hahahahahahahamwwaahaha great one @Mumsie; )
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AAAAhhaahahahahaha!! You're killin' me @Mumsie!
I remember my very FIRST video game was a typing game. Words would start falling from the top of the screen, and you'd have to type the word to make it disappear before it hit the bottom.
Does anyone remember Pong? (Boy, I'm aging myself!) I used to spend hours playing that! Space Invaders, YES! Then when Asteroids came out I was really hooked, spending all my allowance money at the arcade. Frogger, Pac Man, Centipede, Millipede!
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Here's a link to an old forum on first computer game you played:
http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/forum/discussion/1409/what-was-the-first-computer-game-you-played
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Realising it was nearly Valentine's DayTim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
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Hahahaha! That was a good one @Mumsie, cheap indeed!
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college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. They found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a boy to propose to a girl. But, regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
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@mumsie -- Woah! Are they in for a rocky road.
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ROFLMAO thanks ladies!!!! :D
Ok a quicky then I gotta dash!!
My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now... -
At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.
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One Sunday morning, the minister told the congregation that he was going to say a series of words, and he wanted them to sing the song that came to mind, when he said each word.
The first word he said was "rock" They immediately started singing "Rock of Ages."
The second word he said was "Blood" and they sang "Power in the Blood."
The third word was "Cross" and they began singing "The Old Rugged Cross."
The fourth word he said was "Sex", everyone gasped and then it got very quiet, then way in the back of the church an 87 yr old lady stood up and started singing "Memories."
This discussion has been closed. Please check the new forum.
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