Seniors on Angry Birds Nest Page 20
  • 1086 Comments
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Mumsie -- A LOL one for sure.
  • KimmiecvKimmiecv
    You ladies are killing me!!!! :D Thank You for the serious ROFLMAO @mumsie42 and @Kathy!! Loving them!!
  • KimmiecvKimmiecv
  • KathyKathy
    Roflmao @Kimmiecv hheee heee!! Haha
  • KathyKathy

    The Killer Jigsaw Puzzle


    One morning a blonde calls her friend and says, “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can`t figure out how to start it.”
    Her friend asks, “What is it a puzzle of?”
    The blonde says, “From the picture on the box, it`s a tiger.”
    The friend figures he`s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box.
    He then turns to her and says, “First, no matter what I do, I`m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture ofthat tiger.”
    “Second, I`d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!
  • KimmiecvKimmiecv
    That one had me doing one of those loud cracks of laughter, thankfully it wasn't at 3 in the morning!! :D
  • KimmiecvKimmiecv
    On a more somber note, this just in:

    Sad Passing
    Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

    Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota . Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

    Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
  • KathyKathy
    Ahhhhbhh!!! Roflmaowtsdmf!!!! And I'm outside smoking *cough..choke ahem...
    Poor heaaa mr.pilllssburyyyyhaha ooweee...
  • KathyKathy
    Lucky for me neighbors not home..ohh my..
  • KathyKathy
    Now that I've gather my composure I'll be sure to send some flours ;/
    Hopefully other's will also rise to the occasion ;)
  • KathyKathy
    The Lunatic Driver
    One morning a blonde’s husband was watching the traffic report on TV. They were talking about some maniac who was driving along the highway in the wrong direction and disrupting traffic
    He knew his wife would be on that highway on her way to work and he didn’t want her to get hurt, so he called her to let her know.
    “Honey, watch out this morning, there’s a lunatic driving the wrong way up the highway” he said.
    Sounding terrified, she replied, “It’s not just one!”
  • bird addictbird addict
    ROFLMAO!!! LOVE the Doughboy joke @Kimmiecv! Oh yeah, I'll be sending flours too. Gives a new meaning to the term "raising the dead" Lol (cough cough-sorry)
    Okay I have one for you to enjoy:
  • MumsieMumsie
    OMG @birdaddict - ROFLMAO & so is my daughter!!! @Kimmiecv I too will send some flours! Love it! @kathy - I know that blonde!!
  • KathyKathy
    Hee ee @Mumsie ermmm.. whadda ya trying to say...hee heee
  • KathyKathy
    Wow @bird-addict that was awesome. .very impressive
    Hee hee that jumping kid is toooo funny. .
  • KathyKathy
    Two Brazilians

    A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”
    The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”
    Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”
    After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
  • KimmiecvKimmiecv
    HAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAA Thank You!!!! Those were AWESOME!!! I've sent them all out for my friends and already received huge LOLs for them!! :D Paula that was fantastic!!! ROFLMAO

    Ok here's one I just got, made me chuckle so I'm sharing in hopes a few of you get a good chuckle too!

    There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning.

    I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said,"Hello Mam, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

    So I said, "Come in and sit down."
    I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

    He said, "Beats the crap out of me....Nobody ever let me in before!"
  • rockhen67rockhen67
    46 yr old female rocker, been playing since Pong too XD, love video games.
  • MumsieMumsie
    Hi @rockhen67 - welcome to the seniors forum!
  • MumsieMumsie
    Oh it is good to come in here for a chuckle before getting back to the serious business of Christmas! Here are a couple of corny ones -

    One Christmas eve, Pete and Jane were driving their Russian friend Rudolph back to his house. The weather outside was frightful. Jane asked Pete, “Do you think that’s sleet or rain out there?”
    “It’s rain, Jane” said Pete.
    “I think it’s sleet, Pete,” said Jane.
    Rudolph chimed in, “It’s definitely rain, Jane.”
    “No, I really think it’s sleet, Rudolph” said Jane.
    “Don’t argue with the expert, Jane,” said Pete.
    “What do you mean, Pete?” asked Jane.
    Pete replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.”



    One Christmas, a mother asked her young daughter if she could name two of Santa’s reindeer.
    “Rudolph and Olive,” replied the young girl confidently.
    “Rudolph and Olive?” said the mother, quizzically. “Are you sure?”
    “Yes, mommy, Rudolph and Olive. Like in the song.”
    “The song?” asked the mother. “What song?”
    The girl sang, “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. Olive the other reindeer....”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Who says men don't remember
    A husband and wife were out Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed and as the wife walked around she was surprised to discover that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
    She was quite upset as they had a lot to do and she became so worried she called him on his mobile.
    In a quiet voice he said "do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that I couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get for you one day?"
    The wife choked up and started to cry and said "Yes, I do remember that shop."
    He replied "Well I'm in the pub next door!"
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Mumsie -- That last one was cruel, but funny.
  • KathyKathy
    I didn't think it was cruel. .lol sounds like a typical man joke haha
    Thanks for the funnies @Mumsie :)
  • KathyKathy
    Grandma in Court

    In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.
    He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?”
    She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
    The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?”
    She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr.. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.”
    The defence attorney almost died. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
    “If either of you rascal asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Another good 'un Kathy!
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Kathy -- Great! Got a chuckle from hubby -- a great honor, given that he doesn't laugh at most jokes.
  • KathyKathy
    I'm honored hee hee thanks @mvnla2 @Mumsie:)
  • KathyKathy
    Wrong Password
    A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password. No, it’s not the usual caps-lock problem.
    “The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says.
    “Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”
    “Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”

  • KathyKathy
    Stick this

    Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and the sleigh was broken. Santa was furious. ‘I can’t believe it!’ he yells. ‘I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours – all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel to find one hours ago! What am I going to do?’ Just then, the little angel opens the front door and steps in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. ‘Oi fatty!’ she says. ‘Where d’you want me to stick this?’ And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass.
  • MumsieMumsie
    ROFLMAO! Hope everyone has a happy and peaceful Christmas Day
  • KathyKathy
    A lady..

    A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
    Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.
    As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”
    Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”
    He answers, “Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price!”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
    Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife... who will it be?"
    They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
    "Discreet? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."
    Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."
    "Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.
    "I'll go tell him," says Gallagher.
  • MumsieMumsie
    Happy New Year to all Seniors who pop in here!
  • MumsieMumsie
    At a high school a group of students played a prank - they let three goats loose inside the school.

    But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.

    School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3!
  • KathyKathy
    Heee heee @Mumsie good one
    Ok I found this I thought it funny but if it offend anyone i will edit;

    Shopping in London

    Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
    The sign read, “Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair”.
    Paddy said to his pal, “Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I’ll put on my best London accent.”
    “OK Paddy, I’ll keep me mouth shut,” said Jimmy.
    They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, “Hello my good man. I’ll take 50 suits at Pound 5.00 each, 100 shirts at Pound 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at Pound 2.50 each. I’ll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!”
    The owner of the shop said quietly, “You’re from Scotland, aren’t you?”
    “Well yes,” said a surprised Paddy. “What gave it away?”
    The owner replied, “This is a dry-cleaners……..”
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    OK @Kathy -- Got me ROFL!
  • KathyKathy
    Lol @mvnla2 hee heee;)
  • MumsieMumsie
    Great one @kathy!
  • MumsieMumsie
    Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl was mesmerized by the whole spectacle.

    Finally, she leaned over and whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

    "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother explained, trying to keep it simple.

    The youngster thought about this for a while.

    "So then, why," she finally asked her mother after putting the pieces together, "is the groom wearing black?"
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Mumsie -- Another ROFL!
  • KathyKathy
    Very good Mumsie; )

    3rd patient

    One morning at a doctor ‘s clinic a well built man arrives complaining of severe back pain, the doctor examines him and asks OK what happened to your back?
    The patient replies “you know that I … work as a bouncer for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was
    dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. Thats how I strained my back”
    The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad. but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?”
    He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you wont believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”
    Then the 3rd patient arrives;
    He even looks worse than the other two patients do and shivering like a reed. The doctor is now shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to you…..!!?”
    “Well, it started like this…. I was sitting in my neighbor’s fridge”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Hee hee!
  • MumsieMumsie
    Cannot remember if I posted this already but I like it!

    A man came home from work and found his three children outside...
    ... still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

    The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

    In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

    He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

    He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

    As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

    He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

    She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

    "Yes," was his incredulous reply.

    She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Mumsie -- Priceless!
  • KathyKathy
    Awesome one Mumsie; ) ssoo true; )
  • MumsieMumsie
    An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says.

    "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"

    Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" ... She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
  • KathyKathy
    MwahahahWaaahh ohhh @Mumsie you've done it again. .:)
  • KathyKathy
    While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child’s voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child’s words. When I spotted a girl perched on a rock, I realized why her words had made no sense: She was repeating the alphabet.
    “Why are you saying your ABC’s so many times?” I asked her.
    The child replied, “I’m saying my prayers.”
    I couldn’t help but laugh. “Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet.”
    Patiently the child explained, “Well, I don’t know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I’m trying to say.”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Awww! Lovely @kathy!
  • KathyKathy
    A Letter To Dad

    A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
    Dear Dad:
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
    But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion. Dad she’s pregnant.
    Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
    In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
    Don’t worry Dad. I’m 16 and I know how to take care of myself.
    Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
    Love, Your Son JohnNY
    PS.
    Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Andy’s house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that’s in my center desk drawer.
    I love you and let me know when it’s safe to come home
This discussion has been closed. Please check the new forum.
← All Discussions
Post in the New Forum!