Seniors on Angry Birds Nest Page 19
  • 1086 Comments
  • MumsieMumsie
    Love it @kathy!

    You all know, in the Beginning, God created Heaven and Earth and then He created man.
    God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

    Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

    God said, "Go down into that valley."

    Adam said, "What's a valley?"

    God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

    Adam said, "What's a river?"

    God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill..."

    Adam said, "What is a hill?"

    So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"

    Adam said, "What's a cave?"

    After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

    Adam said, "What's a woman?"

    So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

    Adam said, "How do I do that?"

    God first said (under his breath), "Geez..." and then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

    So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

    Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

    God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

    Adam said "what's a headache?"
  • KathyKathy
    Hahaha @Mumsie hee hee
  • MumsieMumsie
    Getting to grips with the New Technology.......................................

    I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night

    when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

    ''This is the 21st century, Mum" he said. "we don't waste money on newspapers.

    Here, you can borrow my iPad".

    I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it !
  • BPCBPC
    On a more serious note...

    Fifty years ago on November 22

    I was sitting in Mrs. Anderson's second grade class, when the door opened. It was the teacher from across the hall and she signaled Mrs. Anderson to the hallway. She returned a few minutes later, tears in her eyes. Poor Mrs. Anderson, she was so very young herself, in a shaky voice she managed to calmly explain to her students that President Kennedy had been shot and killed. She then lined us up for early dismissal. Outside the school, waiting for the bus, I had never seen so many adults so visibly shaken. Next time I saw that look on so many faces was on 9/11.

    Where were you?
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    Hmm -- Looks like a few posts have been removed?
  • KathyKathy
    Hmm looks like it,I replied to BPC and is not there
  • berndog24berndog24
    51 here
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @berndog24 -- Welcome to the seniors' forum, although IMO you shouldn't be thinking of yourself as a senior when you are at the prime of life. ; )
  • KathyKathy

    Beer Brothers

    A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
    The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.
    He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
    The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”
    The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost a brother.”
    The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Hee hee @kathy - thought I'd read that before and I posted it 4 pages back! But then I saw that @kimmiecv had posted the one about the newspaper & iPad one that I posted 6 comments back! Do you think it's a sign of old age and we can just chuckle again and hope everyone else does the same???
  • MumsieMumsie
    A forester and lawyer

    A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

    St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

    Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"

    St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Mumsie -- That's a ROFLMAO! Hope we don't have too many lawyers on ABN, but I suppose they're used to it.
  • KathyKathy
    Roflmao @Mumsie hee hee and oopsy lol I thought I heard that one before somewhere. Heee
  • KathyKathy

    A Math Lesson

    Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything-tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short everything that they could think of. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, they took Johnny down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.
    After the first day, little Johnny came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and paper were spread out all over the room and Little Johnny was hard at work. His mother was amazed.
    She called him down to dinner and, to her shock and amazement, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the Mother tried to understand what had made all the difference. Finally, little Johnny brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books.
    With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and, to her surprise, little Johnny had gotten an ‘A’ in Math. She could no longer contain her curiosity.
    She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?”
    Little Johnny looked at her and shook his head.
    “Well then,” She persisted, “was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it??”
    Little Johnny looked at her and said, “Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Kathy -- That was so funny I laughed so hard (somewhat breathlessly) hubby heard me upstairs and asked what the matter was!
  • KathyKathy
    Heee heee @mvnla2 it is a funny one. .I almost cried Laughing when i found it; )
  • cosmo2503cosmo2503
    @kathy joke is hilarious. I have to dhare this one with friends.
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @cosmo2503 -- One of the posts that were lost was my suggestion that you might want to transfer this forum to the new forums. I'm sure the admins will help you if you need it. They will certainly set up the uniform format for moved forums and links back and forth.
    My most recent forum move disappeared in the server crash, but I will be moving it again soon.
  • cosmo2503cosmo2503
    @mvnla2 thank you. I will check that later.
  • MumsieMumsie
    @kathy - fantastic - cheered me up no end!
  • MumsieMumsie
    Careful what you wish for...
    After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said:

    "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21-year-old gal.

    “Now i have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

    My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

    Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @all -- Been looking to see who is the oldest that has listed their age. Appears to be @Jim at 87, although there is a comment that says someone else is over 90???
    Did I miss that person?
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Cosmo2503 -- I created a plot of number of seniors vs age bracket. Thought people might be interested. It is in my album at http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/members/mvnla2/album/picture/6966/
    Thought it might be interesting to include the name and age of oldest member and the plot in the main post when you move it to the new forum.
  • KimmiecvKimmiecv
    Ladies you have me Seriously LMAO!!! :D
  • SweetPSweetP
    OMG your jokes are hilarious!

    Here's one for all of us golfers:


    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

    The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

    The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the course marshall. Let’s have a word with him.”

    “Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

    The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

    The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

    The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

    The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @SweetP -- As an engineer, I like it.
  • KathyKathy
    Roflmao @Mumsie @SweetP :)

    A Difficult Judgment

    In a small town, a person decided to open up his Bar business, which was right opposite to a Temple. The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.
    Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.
    The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation and prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
    In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop’s demise.
    As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
    “I don’t know how I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn’t.”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Oh @Kathy - brilliant!
  • obi 1obi 1
    You can call me Obi 1 and I think I might be the oldest here.
  • MumsieMumsie
    Hi @obi 1 - nice to meet you, go on then tell us - How old?
  • obi 1obi 1
    Hello Mumsie,

    Well I am old enough to have been a teenager when the Atari first came out. In fact I even owned a Magnavox Odyssey game.
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    Oh dear @Obi 1 -- Look at my posts a few rows up. There is a link to a graph of ages of ABN seniors who have shared their age. If you were a teenager when the Atari first came out, I would think you're among the youngsters on the plot. The oldest that I know of is 87.
    FYI, when I was a teenager, I wrote computer programs in machine language on ticker tape!
  • KathyKathy
    Fascinate

    A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word “fascinate” in it. A little girl says, “Walt Disney World is fascinating.”
    The teacher says, “No, I said, ‘fascinate.’”
    Another little girl says, “There’s so much fascination when it comes to sea life.”
    The teacher again says, “No, the word is fascinate.”
    Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, “My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt.”
  • KathyKathy
    Happy Thanksgiving everyone:)
    Father of Five

    The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
    “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
    Five small voices answered in unison, “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”
  • MumsieMumsie
    A father of five teenagers, a teacher, was in the staff room at work listening as the younger members of staff discussed their small offspring and whether the 'terrible twos' were worse than the sleepless nights. One mother turned to him and said "Jack you're the most experienced parent here, what is the worst year of child rearing ?"
    Jack looked up, smiled and said "Next year."
  • KathyKathy
    Roflmao @Mumsie ;) good one!!
  • MumsieMumsie
    @kathy - a teacher friend of mine told me that it actually happened in her staff room!
  • KathyKathy
    Lol @Mumsie that's makes it more funny it actually is true
  • KathyKathy

    Radar Trap

    A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders along a well-traveled stretch of highway. The location, at a bend in the road, allowed him to hide his car out of sight of oncoming traffic while setting up his radar to nab any speeders who passed by. He had used this location successfully a number of times, especially on holidays, and decided to use it again one Labor Day weekend.
    The officer arrived at his hiding place and set himself up, settling down to wait for the first speeders to appear. After a half hour or so the officer hadn’t seen anybody speeding.
    In fact most of the cars that passed him were traveling exactly at the speed limit, and some of the passengers in the passing cars were even smiling and waving at him. He couldn’t believe this was happening since his hiding place was so well concealed.
    Finally, after realizing that virtually all the passing cars knew he was there, the officer decided that something was wrong and went investigate.
    He got out of his car and walked up the road a short distance. About 100 yards before his hiding place the officer found the problem: A 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said: RADAR TRAP AHEAD.
    A little more investigative work led the officer to the boys accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading TIPS and a bucket at his feet full of change.
  • obi 1obi 1
    mvnla2 ,


    I just checked out your graph, and I can't believe it. There are that many seniors here on this board? Wow! I have been a gamer for most of my adult life. I started out with Maxnavox Odyssey and went to Atari and on through the computer ages. I love playing games with my boys on X-box, Wi, and anything else they had. Angry Birds is a great game and love to play it.
  • obi 1obi 1
    mvnla2 ,

    Oh and BTW, I am in that 60-69 age group! Plus I don't get to stop here all that often. If I am lucky, maybe once a week.
  • KathyKathy
    Well @obi 1 :) I'm not quite as'young' but I had Atar,i space invaders was my favorite:)
    My first real computer was a Commodore when my kids were young.
    Welcome to the Nest I hope you enjoy not matter how often you get to there's always someone floating around:)
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Obi 1 -- If you @mention someone by name like I did you, they might get an e-mail notification. I say might, because you won't in the old forum (this one), because you have a space in your name. The @mentions will work on walkthroughs and the new forum. On the walkthrough pages you need to use the official @name, e.g. yours is @obi-1. Confused enough? Be sure to check out the new forums, groups, and FAQs while you're wondering around. Oh yeah, have you stopped by the Bloated Pig yet? In old forum, or direct link under Community.
  • MumsieMumsie
    Edit - meant to say a glossary of terms to know what our friends are talking about as we get that bit older!
    Artery................The study of paintings.
    Benign................What you be after you be eight.
    Barium................What doctors do when patients die.
    Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.
    Coma..................A punctuation mark.
    Dilate................To live long.
    Enema.................Not a friend.
    Fester................Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula................A small lie.
    Genital...............Non-Jewish person.
    Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent..............Distinguished, well known.
    Labour pain...........Getting hurt at work.
    Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.
    Node..................Was aware of.
    Outpatient............A person who has fainted.
    Pap Smear.............A fatherhood test.
    Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis.
    Post-operative........A letter carrier.
    Recovery room.........Place to do upholstery.
    Rectum................Very near killed him.
    Secretion.............Hiding something.
    Seizure...............Roman emperor.
    Terminal illness......Getting sick at the airport.
    Tumour................More than one.
    Urine.................Opposite of you're out.
    Varicose..............Near by/close by.
    Vein..................Conceited.
  • KathyKathy
    Oh oh my dinger for this forum is all apparently broken:( good one @Mumsie ;-)

    Dumb or Smart?

    Little Johnny enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls Little Johhny over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
    Little Johnny takes the quarters and leaves.
    “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees Little Johnny coming out of the ice cream store.
    “Hey! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
    Little Johnny licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over.”
  • MumsieMumsie
    Wise child!!
  • mvnla2mvnla2
    @Kathy -- Great!
  • KathyKathy
    Hee hee thanks @Mumsie @mvnla2 :)
    I love little Johnny hahaha
  • MumsieMumsie
    Once upon a time………………………
    A man and a woman, who had never met and were married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

    At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

    'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

    'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

    'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own damn blanket.'
  • KathyKathy
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