15th June. Scottish Bank Holiday for the World Cup? Humph. Wales never got one when they qualified for the World Cup last time round. Not too late to backdate it Keir. Oh, apparently it is, the elections have already happened.

I’m doing my best. It’s hard work. The low-hanging fruit seems to have all been gobbled up. I’m now halfway up a wonky ladder reaching into thin air.

Ah Bargain Hunt at 120 decibels.Yes I’m at me old mum’s.90 y/o and still refusing to get a hearing aid…pardon…

I’m giving the man of the match award to the Lords pitch.

I’m pretty sure Mustard and Onions must have played in the same England team.

Heh heh.I still hope for the day Phil Salt is joined by fellow opening batsman Michael Pepper in the England ODI team.

Following the post-play interviews I can confirm that the England opening partnership is indeed Ducky and Gay.

Looks like this cautious approach to batting is really catching on.

France should have a frog.

FIFA Fund Infantino’s Flagrant Avarice

I’m running a World Cup competition with my uni maths chums. All you have to do is predict how far each team will get. This means we can get stuck into the thrills of the competition and don’t have to watch any football all.  There are six of us against two AI entries, a completely random entry and one based on how the results would turn out if…[Read more]

FIFA

Promised free water.

No longer.

Free water is dangerous.

What makes water safe?

Charging for it.

At “normal prices”

That will be like the “normal” rail prices then?

But at least it will be safe.

Evil is as evil does.

I see England’s new cautious approach to batting is paying off.

So the World Cup is just a week away and FIFA’s bloated new format means an endless stream of meaningless group games and an extra round in the knockout stage to ensure 8 3rd placed teams will qualify…er wait Gianni’s just been on the phone…apparently what I meant to say was due…[Read more]

Commonplace among athletes Dan but yes let’s move on.Must tell you all what one of my customers said on an unrelated matter.Last time I cleaned his windows his wife said they were off to Copenhagen for a few days so on seeing him yesterday I asked how it went and his opening gambit was:” I didn’t see a black face the whole time I was there-it was…[Read more]

I think Paula Radcliffe had a moment in the London Marathon, didn’t she. Only live on national television.

Shall we just move on.

By strange coincidence Higgins was a one time friend of Marianne faithful though knowing her it was probably more than one time.

That’s never stopped us before,well alright mainly me.Hey wasn’t Brown Sugar on the Sticky Fingers album?That’s all I have etc.

All time top three for wazzing in public:

In at no. 3 Ozzy Osbourne.Finding himself dressed in pink tights and ballerina shoes next to a memorial of The Alamo what else could he do but relieve himself on said…[Read more]

Good thing all this stuff works on two levels.

Barely though.

So how did you know Mrs Faithful @desperate-dan?(I can’t imagine a more inaptly named woman).Did you work in her local sweetshop?

A bad case of Sticky Fingers.

As an errant teenager my one and only night in a police cell was for wazzing in a public place…all over someone’s car…

£10 fine and £5 costs.Those were the days.

Not sure what the Crafty Cockney is supposed to have done but three years before Mick ‘n’ Keef got busted for various drugs offences in 1967, they were also busted for urinating in a public place, i.e. the wall of a petrol station. The fine? £3 each. Fantastic publicity – John Lennon apparently spent the rest of his life jealous this didn’t ha…[Read more]