Angry Birds 2 Haikus

[David Martin]

Thought I was clever
Had a one-bird strategy
Now I need five more

Construction piggy
Shows programmer’s attitude
G-rated “screw you”

Mere sight of balloon
Brings irrational anger
Now I can’t watch Up

Darn micropiggies
Made of kevlar and square-shaped
That’s how they don’t roll

“Die, you stupid pig!”
Not a smart thing to scream when
Your neighbors are cops

Learned some new swear words
Could have learned them playing golf
It’s probably cheaper

First I shoot the bird
Then watch him bounce off, useless
Then I flip the bird

All out of birdies
Watch an ad for match-three game
Now here’s a Blizzard

Obvious beta
Come on, cheapskate Rovio
Finnish what you start

Topic

[Angry Beaver]

Lost another battle
Want to quit forever but i don’t
Am i masochist?

[Anonymous]

*claps* WOO WOO WOO! *throws roses*

[RedYoshi45]

(Inspired by my own experiences, by the Bad Luck topic, and especially by @djlarryt’s experiences)

Got five free minutes
Gonna play some Angry Birds 2
Excitement!

Stuck at single player
So I go to Arena instead
Competition!

Level I played before
Should be easy as pork pie
Right?

Oh look, cutesy name
Flinging so much better than me
How?!?

Played well, but yet
Lost by maybe five thousand points
Really…

Got ad, watched it
Some game I will never play
Whatever.

Went for my reward
Blues against pig in stone box
Suuuuuure.

“Too bad, streak busted
Now try against other five-spellers
Cheerio!”

Wasn’t ready giving up
So I gave it another shot
Patiently.

Micros, magicians, miners, balloons,
The whole gang was ganged up
Brutality.

After yet another try
It seemed I could finally win
Maybe…

But suddenly, no reason,
My birds fell from the sky
Ridiculous.

Since I had enough
I closed the game, never reopened
Happiness.

(I learned at school that haikus have 11 words… so I tried to go by that, but it’s probably terribly wrong :P)

EDIT:

@david-martin

Finnish what you start

Pun intended? :P

[David Martin]

@smwforever45 – The pun is always intended.

I think the rule for haikus is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables, but there could be more than one accepted form.

I came up with another one:

Victory is mine!
Wait, why can’t I fast-forward?
Pig snickers off-screen.

[RedYoshi45]

@david-martin
Just did some research, there is a German poetry type we call “Elfchen”… it consists of five lines and 11 words and the rule is 1 word – 2 words – 3 words – 4 words – 1 word, like this:

Terence
Listen up
Pop this pig
Or I will rage
Understood?

I probably confused it with haikus… I’ll call my poetry type “Haikchen” – too lazy to make up new ones, I put so much effort into them :P

[David Martin]

Here’s one that rhymes:

I made Silver swoop
In a pretty little loop
But my aim was poop

[CaptSternn]

Yoshi!

I lied, I do lurk here. Missed you. Miss Aeshna too. Like reading David’s comments, among others.

heh

“Die, you stupid pig!”
Not a smart thing to scream when
Your neighbors are cops

Imagine my job, working in IT in a police department and yelling, “stupid pigs, die already”!

[RedYoshi45]

@captsternn
Heeeeeey!
I missed you too!

I also still lurk around here… although that’s wrong of me to say because I never officially quit the game before today :P
I’m living a happier life without AB2… Shame, it’s not a bad game… but all these arena problems and rigged game issues are ruining it for me.

[CaptSternn]

I never quit playing, Yoshi. I just like flinging the birds. My pain is reading the comments here and understanding the suffering, but no longer being part of it. Rovio is going to fix it, so maybe I can rejoin it. I look forward to it. Good to see you again, old friend.

[David Martin]

@captsternn – I somehow just barely manage to keep my surprised exclamations under my breath when I’m playing during downtime at work. They hear enough from me while I’m programming as it is.

[Angry Beaver]

Game was good maybe best
but developers greediness
just destroyed it.

[Mancala Parakin]

Want to pass the time
So I open up the app.
Slingshot, here I come!

The castle is stone
First up is explosive Bomb
BOOM! I got a strike!

Up next — Terence, who
Came in like a wrecking ball
But bounced off balloons.

Speaking of balloons,
Propellerhead got away
Newsflash: pigs can fly!

Red couldn’t reach him
Silver made a bad U-turn
Chuck shot the pig down.

Extra card! Bomb’s back —
BOOM! The second stage is cleared
The third stage awaits…

An L-shaped structure
Matilda can conquer it
Mission accomplished!

Now an ice fortress
The Blues are a perfect match
Structure demolished!

But I heard a snort
Perused each nook and cranny
Darn small pig survived.

My card count was naught
Watched a silly commercial
Got an Inflator

So I used the spell
Which did not kill, just puffed up
There goes my last life

To the Arena!
Custom name with all five spells
All birds Elder Gold

I began to fling
Right away a thought emerged
Me versus AI?

Opponent scored high
Now I need some extra gems
My poor bank account

With a stroke of luck
Bye bye Birdy McBirdface
Full winning streak! Yeah!

And I shall wrap up
Please download at your own risk
If you want to play

[Angry Beaver]

Won seven times in a row!
Is it really true?
Nightmare

[angrynerds2]

Heroes of the arena

How powerful my opponents are,
their birds the greatest and best by far,
they shoot the pigs, they crash their shells
and they’ve got all the magic spells.

They win their matches, they smoke their joints,
they beat me by a million points.
So great opponents, so strong and true,
I’ll never be as good as you.

[David Martin]

Pig balloon islands
I learned to stop worrying
And to love the bomb

[angrynerds2]

Great magic pigs

Oh great magic pigs, so rich and green,
I want you in a hot tureen.
You eat the eggs, you eat the pears,
you turn dangerous birds into teddybears.

You teleport yourself into safer lands,
you let players crush tablets with their hands.
Sometimes you sit in big stone wheel,
sometimes you are made of steel.

Oh great magig pigs, we won’t eat some lamb,
we all wanna eggs and much of green ham.