OMG! Are those Legionaries of the Bacon Empire!?
Desperate times call for desperate housewives measures, and as Corporal Pig devises crazy “wonder weapons” to turn the tide of war, professor pigs at the Pork Propulsion Labs of the National Piggy Space Administration develop and test new technologies that have until recently, only existed in pulp fiction. But this week’s contraption definitely didn’t exist in your 1932 edition of Amazing Stories of Super Science, because we’re going Back to the Future!
Everyone knows engaging a flux capacitor at a velocity of 88 miles an hour will result in temporal displacement. But as you know it’s not the idea, but the execution that counts.
Fire trails after successful temporal displacement… or is it roast pork?
It’s too easy to put a flux capacitor on a rocket and reach 88 MPH in just over a second, but can its passenger survive the immense G forces? Is the rocket pig-rated? Did you inform the military of your rocket launch in advance so Corporal Pig doesn’t reply with massive nuclear retaliation? It’s all too complicated to comprehend for a lay-piggy like myself and with the urgent need to cook up a storm, tend to sheep and practise Good Housekeeping all at once, I decided on a vastly more elegant and simple solution.
Why not hook up a car with the flux capacitor to a locomotive and run it down a one-way track at full tilt?! Images of runaway trains may be very this moment passing through your mind, but if Spartans sought glorious death in battle, then porcine scientists seek no greater honor than selfless sacrifice in the name of SCIENCE!
Hurry up and launch that contraption before the Health and Safety guys see it! May the odds of survival ever be in your favor!
• • •
88mph achieved. Activating flux capacitor!
Engineer’s notes:
You may notice the Bad Piggies game engine’s collision detection may be temporarily disabled by high velocity impacts, thus, objects are able to penetrate the terrain boundaries. It can lead to interesting proposals such as to build drilling rigs to access underground egg deposits.
I wouldn’t call them glitches. They’re hilarious ‘unintended features’ that can be used for creative storytelling, like this instance of a freak “lightning storm in space” causing disruptions to air travel.
With the upcoming 2nd anniversary for the launch of Bad Piggies on September 27, be sure to stop by our Facepork page for more ridiculous bacon-themed mayhem. Bacon consumption is not required for participation.