The Bloated Pig - A Place for Weary Flingers Page 1507
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  • Hello @all! Can only pop in for a minute as trial is about to begin again but I saw the request and I will be back later to explain the night ritual!!
    Chow :)
  • Hi, Im back
  • Hey, @OBBubbles , may I have a bowl of Super Seeds? *tips 20 Bird Coins*
  • G'night all, hope you have a fun flinging night without me:D Get well soon, @kathy, think about starting PotJ:]
  • Alrighty ummmm the night ritual. Well it goes like this: when I'd been in BP for a wee while it came to my attention that @Kathy was always stealing @e-stars flashlight because e-star would stay up later than Kathy thought reasonable! And since I'm here late, late nights one time Kathy gave me e-stars and her own flashlights to keep safe for them since Kathy was going to bed. I decided they needed Serious shinning as they looked mighty dingy and worn! So it became a special thing that I did for both of them each night they were here. One night i cant remember but I think it was Kathy, was banging around in the dark so I started blending special scented candles to light their way safely to Dreamland and so it's evolved over time to the ritual it's become between the three of us. Then e-star graced Kathy with a beautiful new golden flashlight and for Christmas last year I gave them both a beautiful handmade velvet bag each to keep their flashlight in, after all you can't have such beautiful flashlights get all shiny and clean and not have somewhere special to put them! And that is how the night ritual became what it is today!! :)
    And they all lived happily ever after!
    The End
  • Well sadly my scare tactics didn't work long!! :( Sunday late night we got awful winds but with it came a lovely Rain!! That's where the good news ends! I knew with the rain the slimy snails would be holding their town meeting!! Sure enough Monday night I was sitting on my patio bench, I looked up at my fountain and OMG I saw shadows that Should Not be there!! I Flippin Knew It!! The winds were still wild but no rain, Tig and Boo were NOT happy with the wind so they opted to stay in the house, this meant I'd be doing my recon alone! :( I grabbed my handy dandy pitcher and the flashlight my sister had used and headed into the crazy winds to fight off those slimy suckers trying to once again take over my fountain and garden!! Nothing not even crazy wind was going to stop me from my recon!!! I get to my fountain and by all that's holy there are Dozens of slimy snails!!! WTH I'd gotten rid of Soooo many!! I noticed they all seemed to be heading in a certain direction! Towards the side of the house! So I started to grab em before they could get the word out I was onto them!!! They were heading to their town meeting I knew it! And they were EATING my newly blooming bulbs while on their way!! A bunch of half eaten flowers and partial leaves were all that's left of my bulbs!! I was Pissed!!! I don't know if they'd somehow gotten some kind of slimy snail shoes or what but the wood chips were NOT HOLDING THEM BACK!! And my fountain! My fountain had slimy snail poop ALL OVER IT!!!! Trails of the stuff EVERYWHERE!!! ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! :/ So I'm running around the middle part of my garden gathering slimy snails and I head to the opposite side of where they all seem to be heading as they eat every beautiful plant on their slimy way over to the other side and there are a line of them and I kid you not they are literally heading to the other side in almost slimy single line fashion!! So I clear that side up as best as I can see, wading through grass and mud from last nights rain and I've FILLED THE CONTAINER BLOODY FULL!!' I run to the mulch bin where the other 5 have been awaiting their relocation, along with a few stragglers that I guess hadn't gotten the recon memo, then head to the middle again and lo and behold a few more stragglers are popping out and heading the same direction as the ones I grabbed! So I make my way to where they all seem to want to go and pick up more AS THEY ARE EATING MY INNOCENT PLANTS ON THAT SIDE!! And as I'm wading through the grass I'm getting to an area that hasn't got anything but grass and succulents which I've never seen them eat but that is where they all seem to be going?! I notice my damn pitcher is almost overflowing AGAIN so I carefully head back to the patio (don't want to hear that crunch sound! Bleck!!!) and dump the latest full container in the mulch bin and Cripes Sake some of them have already made it to the side of the bin lid!!! Those slimy suckers are FAST!! So I flick them back in as fast as I can close the lid and head back to the grass. Dump a bunch of more stragglers in the pitcher and finally get to that far corner......................... THAT is where they are having their frikken town meeting!!!!!! There were SO Many of them there I almost Fainted!!!!! And There is NOTHING to EAT over there!! NOTHING!!! It took me FOREVER to collect all of those slimy snails!!! Well now they can bloody well have their town meeting in the bloody frikken mulch bin!! And they can plan until the cows come home because those slimy suckers will NEVER EAT ANOTHER FLOWER FROM MY GARDEN OR POOP IN MY FOUNTAIN AGAIN!!!!!!
    Take that you slimy homing pigeon brained snails and stuff it where the sun don't shine!! I win Again!!! WAHAHAHAAAHA They'll NEVER find me!!!!
    Now if I can keep the slimy snails that are still hiding in my garden from laying their billions of slimy eggs I will SURELY have a slimy snail free garden!! And that is my fondest dream!!!
  • Well @kimmie you put a big smile on this tired face yet again! I can't imagine seeing that massive town meeting bleughhhh:( what do you think they're up to? *gasp* do you think that's their ummmmmm mating area? Haahaaaa!!! Ewwww not a nice thought;( I swear I can hear the theme tune from "the great escape" playing in your mulch bin! Hope you've got that lid down tight?
  • @Kimmiecv - EWWWWWWW! O.O I hate it when snails take over our yard and my garden! Most of them are only about 1-1,5cm long, but sometimes I've seen (their leader I suppose) snails over 20cm and those are disgusting! Somehow I'm pretty happy that we've got and cold winter so I don't need to fight with those slimy bastards for so long. I just hate those slimy trails they are making and the slimy carcasses all over the yard! And what's worse is that my son is still so little that he doesn't understand and then he gathers snails and comes to show them to me...EWWWW!

    Edit: Yay, I've made some progress with the Jedi badge. Now I only need a bit over 16k to get it. I remember this was the hardest part with the Danger addict too...

    Edit again: This is a miracle! I mean it really is! I needed that 16k and got by playing ONE level! I had such a bad score and kept trying and there it was! 1-birder in J-37 and when I checked the total score - over by 100 points! :D
  • AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! No Way @JLZ-666!! I checked!! I wasn't born yesterday! When I saw their creepy town meeting place that was my First thought!! Still can't figure out why they were all heading that way?! It had to be some kind of slimy snail town meeting!! No food there! And you bet your bottom I made sure that lid was down solid!! It's in the roadway now for slimy snail relocation!! :D Bye bye to MORE slimy snails!!

    IKR @lisko!! I had to wash my hands several times to get all the slime off them!! Not to mention several soap and brush scrubbings to get the muck out from under my nails!! Eeeewwwww!!! :O Hey Congrats you'll have that badge in no time flat!! But yeah the last few K are always the worst!!
  • Congratulations @lisko! Really well done! It's true,you work so hard just trying to scrape any measly point then bang! Done & done! Sorry,got to be a popper as just about to start work. Congrats again :)
    @kimmie I'm sure you have LOL! I can still hear the tune though HaaHaa!!! At least you know where to head to on the next recon ;) gotta bail out I'm afraid :( catcha later sweetie!
  • @Kimmiecv, this is one club I'm delighted not to be a member of!!! @JLZ666 you stated what I was thinking as I was reading the most recent installment of Kimmie's Snail Tales. I could see those slimy gooey creepy crawly faceless nameless nasty thoughtless gross (bleach) snails pushing up - in unison - against the lid on the mulch bin, allowing others to escape the bin while they held the lid up. And away they go...back to their town meeting (aka orgy) to do what they do best...eat Kimmies plants and reproduce. That's why there were only 5 left in the bin after trash day last week. ALL THE REST HAD ESCAPED BACK INTO KIMMIES GARDEN! Maybe a couple fell out and into the trash truck, but Kimmie you'd better put something heavy on top that lid pronto!!!
  • @JLZ666 - Thank you so much! I was already prepared that I have to go through every level again to get even near the badge, but nope :D I managed to get almost 30k in two levels so that really helped a lot! Otherwise I would probably be trying for years :D
  • Argh!! Now I've got that song in my head!! @JLZ-666 you naughty girl!!! Have a quick Looong day at work!! Remember tooth picks!! LOL ;D

    @Bird-addict your just as naughty!! I'm bloody surrounded! And I'm quite sure @mumsie shall pop her head in any moment to give me her two cents as well!! Talk about nightmares!! Now I'm going to have to go out to the front yard to MAKE SURE THE LID IS DOWN TIGHT!! Or I'll be seeing those slimy suckers with suitcases and pack packs making their way BACK to my innocent garden!! :/
  • Hmmm...lid on tight you say? That's worse. If tonight's snails aren't escapees from last weeks mulch bin then where the heck are they coming from? You'd better check under your house near their town meeting. They may have big cities under there! Heck they might even have their own flag, laws, snail police - we know "the great escape" is their song. Cripes they be filling your foundation! If you feel your house moving you'll know why! I think you'd best move...
  • *pops head in door* @birdaddict I was trying to be discrete saying "mating area" WHAM!! You just come right out with it LMAO!!!
  • @bird addict - AHAHAHAAA! I almost fell off the chair. Now I can't stop laughing! xD

    I can almost see Kimmies house slowly moving and Kimmie sitting on the patio and screaming :D
  • @kimmie - oh my sides are hurting from the laughing which makes me cough!
    Now are you absolutely certain than the cart that collects the mulch bin isn't secretly a snail protection vehicle? Maybe he tips them all out quietly and tells them to lie low for a couple of days.
    OR that area they are all heading to is where the GPS has indicated is HOME - that's were they go to recuperate after their nightly exertions of leaving slime trails all over your garden and eating all your plants!
    They have also spoken to soooo many other snails on their trek way back from last weeks removal and they have told them all "We know a great garden, with a fabulous fountain- it's at Kimmies! No she doesn't like us but she will not harm us and she even does her best to ensure we are fit by arranging for us to go away in a truck and have to find our way back- come with us and see"
  • Oh no birdy's idea is even funnier!
  • WAHAHAHAAAHA I'm SURROUNDED. By a bunch. Of. Loons!!!! I KNEW IT!! @mumsie you all are giving me nightmares! Is it any wonder I have insomnia!!!??! Not only do I have to deal with a bunch of free lovin swinging slimy snails who lay a billion slimy eggs and trek BACK to my garden and BRING FRIKKEN FRIENDS! But MY friends are filling my head with things WORSE than Freddie Kruger!!! ASAAAAHHHHHHHH
  • Please stop! I can't breathe 'cause of laughing xD

    @Kimmiecv - Maybe you could put a sign "Snail Orgy ->" to the corner of your house? That way they would know where to go and wouldn't be messing up your fountain :D
  • @Bird-addict I'll tell you where they are all coming from! THE ENTIRE DAMN NEIGHBOURHOOD!!! The word is OUT!! I'm Never going to win this bleeping WAR!! I will be giving weekly NAY soon nightly updates as I WILL NEVER Win!!! OMG where the hell are my Meds??!!! @mumsie lift up! Are you taking mine as well as yours??? Give it up missy!! I need my MEDS!!! WAHAHAHAAAHA LOONY BIN HERE I COME!!!!! OOOOOOOOH I THINK MY HOUSE IS MOOOOOVING..........:.
  • Hi everyone!!??
  • Arrrghhhh!!! @lisko you too???? Oh the indignity!! Who needs enemies with friends like mine?? Hey if I put a sign up then maybe just maybe they will be so "Busy" in that corner I will always find them and they'll be so "Busy" they won't eat my garden up or poop in my fountain..............
  • @Kimmie - I was just trying to help :D I think you should try it! If you're really sneaky, you'll take camera with you when you go to that certain corner and take pics of every snail and the threat them by telling their wifes and husband that you know what they're doing. Maybe they get so scared and move into some other garden :D
  • @lisko ROFLMAO! Kimmie the blackmailer!!!
  • The slimy snail blackmailer!!! :D
  • Hahaha! :D

    Noooo, now I can't get Skid Row's "Youth gone wild" out of my head...

    They call us problem SLIME
    We spend our lives on trial
    We walk an endless mile
    We are the SNAILS gone wild
    We stand and we won't fall
    We're the one and one for all
    The writing's on the wall
    We are the SNAILS gone wild

    I'm pretty sure I should be under some medication xD
  • Hahahaaahahaaa @lisko join the club eh!! We are all in it together!! LOL that was a good one!! :D
  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaAhahahahaha OMG *sucks in a breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
    You girls are killing me! I have tears rolling down my checks!!! @lisko you're hilarious! @mumsie you too! @kimmie I think what's happening to you is a combination of all our theory's. I can see it now...when everyone else is yelling EARTHQUAKE!!! Kimmie will be yelling SNAILS!!!
  • Hello @birdaddict. Hope you're fine.
  • @kathy you have to be sure to read page 1507 when you're feeling better. Laughter is the best medicine after all:D
    @mumsie if that really true you should feel great! ...well after you stop coughing that is...
  • Hi @iamMighty! I'm more than fine, I haven't laughed this hard since @kimmiecv told her last snail tale. How are you today?
  • I am myself cracking up reading what @kim wrote. You should write more of these. Maybe a new column for the BP named Kimmie's Snail Tales ;)
  • Fine myself. How's the flinging going?
  • Erm hmmmmmm!!! Hello @iamMighty :)
    I just read the latest idea from @mumsie! Put them in your FREEZER??!! Bleck!! And mumsie that KILLS THEM!!! :/ Can't do it! Looks like I'm stuck with recons!! But I do have tree frogs! 3 of them and a gekko somewhere! Supposedly they like to munch on snails and well that's natural and I'd Never starve a froggie! Wish they'd eat more though!! Course they're little buggers so I suppose they can only eat so many.......
  • Those frogs are doing you a good deal I guess. How have you been?
  • I'm on a quest to help Kimmie & I now have more web pages open about snails than I do for ABN (normally have BP, Challenge, leaderboard, etc! )
    Kimmie did you know that a single garden snail can have 430 babies in a year!!! So if you have just one snail ( and it doesn't need a mate) after 4 years (as long as you don't go out collecting them) you'll have 34267517000! Oh hang on I'll have to check how long they live - back soon....
  • Good grief they can live 5-7 years!!!
  • Hi @iam - how are you ? It's so good that this place cheers people up all over the world! so far today: US, UK, Finland, India ! All exercising their chuckle muscles!
  • Oh for Pete's bloody sake!!! I'm going to be a trillion years old and still be reconing for bleeping slimy snails!! I TOLD YOU THEY LAY A BILLION EGGS!!!!

    @iamMighty seriously?! Your Seriously asking how I'm doing?! If I had a million frogs it wouldn't be enough!! Slimy snails are worse than RABBITS!!! Argh!!!
  • I agree @Mumsie. ABN has bought all of us together for a thing common in all of us- Birds. How have you been?
  • They don't even MATE!! OMG I feel faint!!!!!
  • Feeling sorry for you @kim. I heard somewhere that snails and slugs can't tolerate coffee or caffeine.
  • @Kimmie - After what @Mumsie told about snails, you're situation doesn't look too good :/ What if the last option would be "If you can't beat them, join them" O.O I think I'm just gonna kill every snail I see, just in case. I'm glad there's still so much snow that I've got some time to prepare for the snail hunt :D

    Edit: Thanks @iamMighty - Now I can see Kimmie in her garden drinking coffee with billions of snails xD
  • Haha, @Lisko. Oh I can imagine that all right. Hope you're fine today too.
  • @kim Are you really pouring out coffee now ;D
  • I have now read that too @iamMighty only prob is it may hurt my earthworms! :( earthworms are our friends! Slimy Snails not so much!!!!
  • Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh *bird addict run ink in circles holding her head screaming at the thought of 34267517000 snail babies from one! That's that's that's well THOUGHTLESS! How rude how those slimy gooey creepy crawly faceless nameless nasty thoughtless gross(bleach) snails - Just plain rude. Really @kimmie, if you're opposed to killing those useless creatures then you'd better move. Either that or do as @iamMighty suggested and start a column called Kimmies Snail Tales. After awhile you'll have enough for a book, then you'll become a best seller, famous and rich! Why you'll make enough money to buy those slim balls their own 10 acre garden far far away.
    Ok, I really have to go on my pillow walk...
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