Seniors on Angry Birds Nest Page 18
  • 1086 Comments
  • Had such a laugh going over all the new ones! Fantastic @kimmie,@mumsie,@sweetp @Jim. @Kathy I could be here all day telling blond jokes lol!! Best friend is blond so I've had years of target practice ;) Not giving a blond joke today,just one about woman in general that is oh so bloody true!! Well some of it ;)

    WOMAN
    Workplace Hazardous materials Information System
    Substance: Women
    Chemical system: Wow
    Manufacturer: God
    Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90 to
    200 lbs.
    Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
    1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm
    2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
    3. Boils at nothing.
    4. Freezes without reason.
    5. Melts with special reason.
    6. Flavour initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
    7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
    8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points.
    9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
    10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to
    reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
    1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive substances.
    3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.
    4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation.
    5. Most powerful money reducing agent known.
    COMMON USES
    1. Highly ornamental.
    2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation.
    3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.
    SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION
    1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.
    2. Turns green when compared to better specimens.
    HAZZARDS
    1. May explode spontaneously without cause.
    2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.
    3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards
  • OMG, this is a perfect description @JLZ666! There should be an added category, "Defense Mechanisms" - what do you think?
  • It's just as well we can laugh at ourselves @sweetp! I ticked off more than I care to mention!! Ooooooo "defence mechanisms" excellent choice! Let me think.............
  • @mumsie, @Kathy, @sweetp, @jim and @JLZ-666 thanks for the very funny laughs!!! :D
    @JLZ-666 yours scare me there so right on!! LOL ;D
  • LOL The "pleasurable companion until legally owned" is hilarious.

    Works the opposite way in my household though. Work first, play later.

    Or rather I am making a personal effort at preventing the stupid things that happen to young persons' marriages in modern society and its uber high divorce rates here.
  • I am 70... I love the challenge of AB. Hvg problem with Red's Mighty Feathers after I passed all the levels it sent me to the bonus levels. I want to go back and see if I can 3star every lvl. I can't get back. How do I do that?
  • Hey @grits welcome to the nest and seniors forum. :) There should be a I think it's yellow arrow on the bottom of the left part of the screen, if you click that it should pull you back to the original game so you can replay them. If I read your question correctly that is. :)
  • TY kimmiecv that is my question...will try to locate yellow arrow...


  • Hmmm..found yellow arrow it takes me back to screen where lvl NIne...Red's Mighty Feathers is but when I tap it it goes back to bonus level.
  • Ok @grits I hope that gets you where you want to be!! And your very welcome. :)
  • Erm huh?? That's odd!! You could try, if your on iPad or phone to clear your cache that way it erases it from "memory" and starts it up new, it's worth a shot.
  • @Grits -- You should be able to swipe your finger to the right (moving to the screen to the left). If you are still having problems, post in the forum on level glitches, and provide as much info about your platform and game version as possible:
    http://www.angrybirdsnest.com/forum/discussion/3/level-glitches-bugs
    @AMSlimfordy
  • I am using IPad..do not know how to clear cache. TY mvnla2 will try yr suggestion.
  • Hooray that worked..TY TY TY! Now if someone will tell me how to clean the cache :)
  • @Grits -- Clearing the cache works in Safari. Under Safari select "empty cache".
    Since you use an iPad, you might want to know how to "hard close" all apps. When you think you have closed an app, it is still open in the background.
    Directions are slightly different depending on which operating system you are running. It's also good to do this periodically on an iPhone.
    Double click the round button. This will bring up all the apps you have opened since you last hard closed (or first got your device if you've never done this).
    a) For IOS 7 there is a horizontal row of screen images above the app icon. Swipe the screen image off the top of the screen; repeat until all gone.
    b) For earlier versions of IOS, there is a single row of app icons at the bottom of the screen that can be scrolled left and right without moving the rest of the screen. Press one until all icons in that row are jiggling and have an x in the corner. Be sure that it is ONLY the BOTTOM ROW that is jiggling, or you will end up deleting the app itself. On the bottom row, select the x for the app you want to hard close. Best to do all, but try one by itself first to make sure you have done a hard close and not a delete.
  • Actually after much thought @sweetp I don't think it's wise to give away defensive strategies to the enemy do you? They will never understand us so keep em guessing.....although laughing,agreeing,sobbing,screaming,arguing,avoiding and "having the ability to change face in the blink of an eye" seem to work lol!
    @lestoreadors yep that one is fab and indeed works both ways! It's not easy but marriage doesn't deserve to be singled out as tough..........life is tough.....no one said it was easy but it has great rewards. Good for you for making it work :D
    @grits I really hope you're on the road to recovery! Mighty red is still playing silly buggers with me. I lose all my scores every time I play off line. It's been going on for weeks and I'm sick of
    it. Have to constantly try to re connect to Rovio. Hope you've got it all sorted out?

  • Religious Squirrels

    Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God’s will? they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.
    The elders of the second church, deciding they could not harm any of God’s creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
    It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
  • Lol thanks @KimmieCV

    Be Careful

    Harris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
    A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
    Harris replied: “Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
    The doctor said: “I didn’t say that. I said, You’ve got a heart murmur – be careful.”

  • Overloaded with Work

    If you feel overloaded with Work…
    Immediately go to the nearest “Biological Anxiety Relief” (BAR) center and place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:
    1: Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
    2: Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)
    3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
    4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)
    This is issued in public interest by “Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA
  • Biological Anxiety Relief! Good one @Kathy!
  • Thanks @bird-addict hee hee;)
  • Brilliant @kathy! Wish I was still at work to take advantage!
  • ;) lol thanks Mumsie; )I can't wait to retire, unfortunately I think I'm going to be working for th gee rest of my life:(
  • @Kathy but how about my favorite substance "BACON"? What does this mysterious awesome porcine-dervied product actually mean? :D
  • Lol @Les Toreadors I don't know you tell me; )
    Best Anxiety Calming I got nothing lol
  • Flies in the beer

    An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
    The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
    The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
    The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!”
  • LOL @Kathy but I think you're being too kind! It should be the Scotsman that picks out the fly! We're renowned (wrongly I have to say) for being stingy ;) I won't hold it against you if you change it lol!!

    A Scotsman whose wife had just died wanted to place the least expensive death notice so he went to the newspaper office and asked them to put in an advert saying, "Janet has died".
    The clerk explained that there was a minimum charge but, for that charge, he could have up to six words. So, the Scotsman added three more words and the advert read: "Janet has died. Toyota for sale."
  • Roflmao @JLZ666 Toyota for sale...heehee
    Should i change the joke? I hope it's not offensive toanyone
  • Haahaaaa!! Nah @kathy just leave it! I seriously don't think anyone would be offended by that! If they are there's something very wrong with them lol!!!! We grew up with "Scots,English & Irish" jokes and trust me NOBODY was offended :D

  • (Sing this to the Sound Of Music's 'My Favorite Things')

    Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
    Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
    Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
    Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
    Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
    When the knees go bad,
    I simply remember my favorite things,
    And then I don't feel so bad.

    Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
    No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
    Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
    Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
    And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
    When we remember our favorite things.

    When the joints ache, When the hips break,
    When the eyes grow dim,
    Then I remember the great life I've had,
    And then I don't feel so bad.
  • ROFLMAO - @birdaddict Brilliant!!
  • Swimming Pond
    An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

    One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

    The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

    Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

    Some old men can still think fast....!"
  • Roflmao @Mumsie pretty quick thinking!!
    @bird-addict very good hahaha
  • Lol gotta try thishee hee


    The bartender asks him, “What’ll you have?”
    The guy answers, “A scotch, please”.
    The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars.”
    “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this”.
    A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration”.
    The bartender’s not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again”.
    The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the hell are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”.
    The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life.”
    Bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a, double.”
    To which the guy replies “Thank you! Make it a scotch.”
  • Hi, i'm 67. I am really really lousy at the games. Angry Birds is the only game I can play, thats cheap enough and easy enough for me to succeed in any way. I play on a PC, with regular mouse. And there are levels where the 1st bird or pig has to shoot and have the cross hairs set on other side of level right as it comes off the sling, which for me is too hard to get it set and click left mouse button in time to achieve desired walk through result. Especially ABSW 2, Pig side, level P1-7. Cannot set cross hair and fire before Darth Sidious is too far out of sling to get result as shown in walk through. Is there a keyboard stroke / mouse click combo, one is supposed to know?
    Why has Rovio left it to Angry Birds nest et al to provide explanations and examples of correct play etc? I sent them an email and they don't reply. I even paid for their games.

    When is the Coming Soon Episode/Chapter For Angry Birds Star Wars II, ON PC going to be released?

    Just checked and I got an email from Rovio about PC Update;

    {Joe, Nov 11 07:18 (EST):

    Hello,

    Thanks for contacting us! Unfortunately I am not able to answer your question concerning the update as our staff does not answer questions about release dates or new versions.

    News on updates will be announced on our website, newsletter, through our Facebook page, and on Twitter. You can find these links at the bottom of this email. Generally, we will not publish any release dates before updates are ready and available. This is to make sure we don't give out release dates we cannot always guarantee we will hit.

    Thank you for your understanding!

    Best regards,

    Joe
    Rovio Support Team}

    well there I have it.
  • @reidhb -- Welcome to ABN and the seniors forum! Some of the seniors here are in the top spot on some games.
    Have you looked at the forum for PC users? That might be a better place to post your problem and get an answer. Lots of nesters play on PC, so someone must know.
  • The Geography of a Woman

    Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa ...
    Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

    Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe ...
    Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

    Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain …
    very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

    Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece …
    gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain …
    with a glorious and all conquering past.

    Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel …
    has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
    takes care of business.

    Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada …
    self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

    After 70, she becomes Tibet …
    Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.
    An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

    And now…

    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

    Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran …
    ruled by a pair of nuts.

    THE END.
  • lol...just found this site and love it...especially seeing this post, and realizing it's from 2012 but I have to add my two cents about being a senior....you see - I am 71 yrs - pretty senior to me - and I love playing all the Angry Birds...I'm quite competitive and thrive on the tournaments
  • Welcome to The Nest @oksis :) any questions just throw them out and someone will answer:)
  • @oksis not to overwhelm you lol..but check out the Bloated Pig forum. It's our little pub inside the Nest..lots of friendly flingers:)
  • Oh and if you haven't figured to directly speak to a certain person use the @ symbol before there name:)
  • @BirdAddict -- I'm rolling on the floor with SweetP!
    @Oksis -- Is that as in OK, sis? Anyway, welcome to the seniors forum.
    As you can see, although this forum was started in 2012, it is still very active. Some of our top flinger (therefore the top in the world) are seniors, so you're not alone in your passion (or addiction).
    Just to keep things interesting, there is also a low score challenge in the forum. Not at all as easy as it sounds.
  • One day in summer a professor stood before his science class with a few items on the table. He picked up a large jar and filled it to the brim with golf balls. He then asked his students to raise their hands if they thought the jar was full. A sea of hands instantly shot up – the students unanimously agreed the jar had to be full.

    The professor then proceeded to grab a box of pebbles and he poured them into the jar. He picked up the jar, shook it around, and put it back on the table. The pebbles shuffled into the areas between the golf balls. He then asked the room full of students to raise their hands again if they thought the jar was full. The same sea of hands rose up.

    Next, the professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. As expected, the sand filled up all the empty spaces between the pebbles. He asked once more if they thought the jar was full. The students again raised their hands.

    The professor then magically made two beers appear from under the table and he poured the contents of each beer into the jar. This filled the spaces between the grains of sand. The room filled with laughter.

    ‘Now,’ muttered the professor ‘You need to understand that this jar is a representation of your life. The golf balls are the big, important things such as: your family, friends, children, health, and passions – and if you ever lost everything and only had these big things remaining, your life would be rich and full. The pebbles represent other important things like your job, house and your automobile. The sand is essentially everything else. It represents the small things.

    The professor continues: ‘If you choose to pour sand into the jar first,’ he asserts, ‘there won’t be any room left for the pebbles or the golf balls. Life is the same.

    If you choose spend all your time and energy on small things you won’t have room for the bigger things that hold much more importance to you.

    What is the moral of the story according to the professor? Make sure to pay attention to the golf balls – the things that are absolutely critical to your happiness.

    Spend time with your family. Spend time with your parents. Your children. Take time to see your grandparents. Make an occasional visit to aunts and uncles. Take out your spouse on a dinner date. Play golf with your favorite buddies. There will always be time to do chores, clean, and take out the trash.

    Focus first on the golf balls – these are the the things that matter most. Ruthlessly set your priorities – write them down in a file if you must. Remember, the rest is just a bunch of sand.

    The professor saw a hand shoot up. He pointed to the student, and she then asked what the beer represented. The professor looked at her, grinned, and said, ‘Thanks for asking.’ The beer is here to show that you that no matter how full you think your life is, there’s always room to have a couple of beers with a friend”.
  • Great @Mumsie! Love the golf balls!
  • That was a great analogy @Mumsie! Loved the golf balls too!
  • @Bird-addict Hiiiilarious!!!! :D Thanks for the laughs!!!!
    @mumsie42 that was wicked cool!! Thank you!!
    Going to have to share with the parentage!!! Thanks ladies!!!!!! :)
  • Love that one @Mumsie ;)

    Ocean of Wheat
    A blonde was driving down an old country road when she spotted a blonde rowing a boat in a in a wheat field. She pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field.
    “Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?”
    The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, “Because it is an ocean of wheat.”
    The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious.
    She yells at the blonde in the field. “It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.”
    The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again.
    The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field then yelled, “If I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass.”
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