The Bloated Pig - A Place for Weary Flingers Page 3039
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  • HunnybunnyHunnybunny

    OK, I used to do lots of stuff here, including the list, but I gave up. Long story and no point at pointing fingers. Sorry Brian
    Go for mirror world, you will do it
  • HunnybunnyHunnybunny
    @kathy, taken the crown from your head xx
  • KathyKathy
    Lol @Hunnnybunny ;)
    I don't know who fixed it but thanks @Admins whoever did it :D
  • KathyKathy
    Guess @BrianN and @DesperateDan don't know we are best in business??
    @karen68 doesn't get notifications, hmm what to do???
  • karen68karen68
    Nice to see it back up & running!
  • KathyKathy
    Happy you could make it in @Karen68 :)
  • Brian NBrian N
    Hey @hunnybunny I never point the finger, you've always got four pointing right back at ya. By the way I think @desperatedan's statistical analysis of his ABO scores broke the internet. Oops, is that me pointing the finger?
  • Brian NBrian N
    Anyways @hunnybunny this is the BP. It's the place for long stories. Bet it was@kathy, she upsets everyone around here. I point the finger a lot don't I?
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    Woot!
  • Brian NBrian N
    Pulled up into a quiet layby(or so I thought) for lunch yesterday. Just about to tuck into lunch when BOOM!! Off went one of those air guns farmers use to frighten off the birds. I swear it must have been situated right next to my lughole. The birds didn't seem too bothered. Me? I nearly did a William Shatner. Egg and tomato everywhere. You think it's funny don't you? The yolk's on me is it? Well let's see who ends up with egg on their face.
  • Brian NBrian N
    What did Yoda say when he saw a picture of himself in 4K?

    HDMI.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    I'd tell a joke but it would only egg Brian on.
  • Brian NBrian N
    I'm feeling a little ghoulish today. Have decided to make a creature out of sports stars body parts. This is what I have so far working from top to bottom :
    John O'Hare(Eng footballer)
    Freddy Head(French jockey)
    Brian Brain(Eng cricketer)
    Alan Shoulder(Eng footballer)
    John Hart(Eng footballer)
    Declan Kidney (Irish Rugby)
    Daniel Lung(Rumanian footballer)
    Miguel Colon(Spanish footballer)
    Colin Bell(Eng footballer)
    Alan Ball
    Lots of dicks
    David Willey(Eng cricketer)
    Bum ka Cha(Korean footballer)
    My personal favourite as you get 4 for the price of one :
    Tony Armas(US baseball)
    Feel free to donate your organs. Now, is there a match on tonight?
  • KathyKathy
    @BrianN and @DesperateDan happy you both found your day back in!
    Brian as usual, I don't get your list of creature stars! Don't bother to explain lol, it's over my head probably.
    Suddenly I just got very tired .. very suddenly..
  • Brian NBrian N
    Probably the thought of sport making you feel tired. Hey @ixan57 did you hear about the old Scottish boy on his deathbed? He asked if some of the Scotland squad could lower him into his grave when the time came. He said "That'll be the last time they let me down".
  • HunnybunnyHunnybunny
    A guy meets the most beautiful woman he has ever seen
    “Will you marry me tomorrow?”
    “We don’t know each other”
    “But will learn about each everyday”
    She agrees
    On Honeymoon in Mexico, he climbs to the highest diving board, does a double back flip, three somersaults, and the most perfect pike straight into the swimming pool
    “I was a Gold Medal winner at The Olympics”
    She gets into the pool and swims freestyle for seventy five lengths in record breaking time
    “So you were an Olympian too?”
    “No, a prostitute, who worked both sides of The Thames”
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    I am speechless.
  • Brian NBrian N
    See what you've done now @hunnybunny, @desperatedan's speechless. That never happens, keep up the good work.
  • Brian NBrian N
    Lunch Report

    Quite a hissy fit in our garden last night. Our back wall seems to be a bit of a Checkpoint Charlie for the local kitty's, I've seen at least 5 different ones passing thru. When they meet it's normally amicable, someone must have sniffed the wrong butt last night. (Oh wait that's dogs isn't it?)
    One in particular reminds me of my fav cat. Smokey brown short hair with googly yellow eyes called Sally. Very playful critter she liked nothing more than to jump off the top of my wardrobe and land on my stomach as I lay sleeping.
    Of course I pranked her right back. One time she was asleep on top of an armchair and I jumped right in front of her shouting at the same time. Within a millisecond from being fast asleep she sprung about 3ft straight upwards and on her way down she hung on to the top of chair so all I could see were her claws. Then she slowly pulled herself up and as her little head appeared she looked at me with those googly eyes all pink and bloodshot as if to say "You think that's funny,? Just wait till 3.00am."
    I do miss my Sally, she was like the sister I never had... er wait I do have a sister.. sorry sis... think I'd better eat lunch.
  • Brian NBrian N
    Come on you turnips! I mean Swedes, always get those two mixed up.
  • Brian NBrian N
    Hey @tompuss how are you? Lurking I presume. I'd love to hear your critical appraisal of the dance moves in the following video. I reckon Ashley Banjo might struggle but Nureyev in his pomp could just pull it off. Let me know what you think.

    https://youtu.be/360FUb_xh-I
  • Brian NBrian N
    Speaking of hissy fits how are you @kathy, hope you're recuperation is going well.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    We are chasing what may well be a very dodgy high score in the Rio Challenge today. Way way out in front, no apparent proof, don't know why it's been allowed to stand. @comex666 not a happy bunny.

    Still speechless about @hunnybunny's joke though.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    I think I am going to register @twiggy as a new Nest member. Then she can prod my phone with her paws and presumably get some better scores than me.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    Where oh where were the Germans? And frankly, who cares?
    Could they be going home tonight?
  • HunnybunnyHunnybunny
    Boris Johnson walks into a bank to cash a cheque.
    “Good morning”, says Boris, “could you please cash this cheque for me?”
    Cashier: “It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?”
    Boris : “Truthfully… I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. But hang on! I’m Boris Johnson , Prime Minister, strong and stable !!”
    Cashier: “Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers etc, I must insist on seeing some identification”.
    Boris : “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!”
    Cashier: “I’m sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them”.
    Boris: “I am urging you please, to cash this cheque for me”.
    Cashier: “Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Rory McIlroy came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Rory McIlroy he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Rory McIlroy and we cashed his cheque.
    On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.
    Boris just stood there thinking and thinking and then finally says, “To be honest, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single effing thing that I’m any good at.”
    Cashier: “Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Johnson??".....
  • Brian NBrian N
    Well @desperatedan it's Eng v Germany.. If it was a world war I know who my money would be on. Football not so much.
  • Brian NBrian N
    As regards vi77king's score I can recall @catsnbirds saying that back in ye olden days when dinosaurs roamed the earth no proof of score was required so if it's an old score I think it dhould stand otherwise a lot of scores would be rubbed out.
    If on the other hand it's a more recent score then it should be subject to the same rules as everyone else. Proof of score should be required. On that point is it possible to find out when a particular score was posted?
  • Brian NBrian N
    Hey @hunnybunny you're determined to keep @desperatedan quiet. Can I give you some advice? Never moon at a werewolf.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    @hunnybunny, you have redeemed yourself.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    See that @vik77ing has been active in the last 24 hours. Maybe somebody should ask. But I am not after a witch hunt. Almost by definition all top scores are flukes, and his score is theoretically possible - there is certainly enough material to get the points.
  • Brian NBrian N
    Every level has that million to one shot in it. Whoever nails it sets up a score way above anyone else. Unless there is suspicious activity on other levels probably best left alone, although they could have posted a note saying how it went so well.
    Others have top scores with no screen shot or strat. E. G Andy, he's been killing it in Seasons. I only noticed because the sheriff called on me twice in Ham Dunk. No comments or screen shots. He used to but I recall reading a few walk through comments indicating some kind of fall out with admin. So I don't think we should pick on one guy. And I'm sure Andy is legit BTW.
  • ixan57ixan57
    @brianN have you started a diet today, no lunch.
  • ixan57ixan57
    It is like waiting for eastenders (don't watch) @brianN 's lunch and the drum beat at the end. Come on Brian and don't use the football as a excuse to miss a episode
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    Arrgghh, no footy for a couple of days!
  • HunnybunnyHunnybunny
    Last joke, for a while, I can’t remember that many good ones

    Dan has a painful elbow

    Brian says “Go to Tesco, they have a urine testing machine, you put a sample in, and it tells you what it is”

    Dan is sceptical, but pours his urine sample

    The machine says “You have Tennis Elbow, rest the arm, buy our ibuprofen gel, aisle six, Thank You for shopping with Tesco”

    Dan then decides to f**k up the urine testing machine

    He makes a liquid of his urine, his wife’s, his daughters, cat poo, dog poo, and his sons

    He pours it in

    “Your dog has ringworm, aisle seven, the cat has has fleas, also aisle seven. Your daughter is having sex with a boy. Condoms aisle eight. Your son is gay, but happy. Your wife is pregnant with twins. Not yours, we recommend CJCH Solicitors. Thank you for Shopping with Tesco”
  • Brian NBrian N
    "Deutschland Deutschland uber alles"... ahem... sorry, just tuning up for Tuesday.
    I see that greenpeace protester who paraglided onto the pitch at the France /Germany game was taken into the referee's room at half time. He was booked for descent.
  • Brian NBrian N
    Hey @hunnybunny, you realise @desperatedan will be speechless again.
  • Brian NBrian N
    You'll like this one @hunnybunny.
    I think my best pal has starting sleeping with my wife. He's been really miserable lately. (cue Eastenders music @ixan57).
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    I'm taking @twiggy to the groomers tomorrow. I'd tell you more but it would be a shaggy dog story.
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    Ok, I'm now speechless again. More Boris jokes please. Or Trump will do. But he's not funny at all. Not any more. Think I can say that because he's made the transition from politics back to celebrity.
  • KathyKathy
  • KathyKathy
    @Hunnybunny Those jokes were great!!
    Sorry guys, I can't catch up, but lurking all day I see all 8>)
  • KathyKathy
    Oh forget it!! *Insert Rolly Guy*
    G'nite Birdie Friends.. zzz♡♡♡
  • Desperate DanDesperate Dan
    I'm still worrying about Colin Bell @brianN.
  • Brian NBrian N
    Every body part has it's role, even Nicky Butt gets in the team(probably sitting on the bench with Bum Ka Cha. And the manager Arsene Wenger.
    Ruud Gullit and Ronan O''Sophagus vying for that false no. 9 role(one of those is not a real player.)
  • Brian NBrian N
    You probably know @desperatedan that the FA Cup starts in August with a gazillion teams playing in preliminary rounds. I never knew this but Master Chef follows the same procedure. Here's an old clip from the Lloyd Grosman years showing an early eliminator from Derbyshire:

    https://youtu.be/Os82UYqssSc
  • HunnybunnyHunnybunny
    Cheer on Wales tomorrow, please
    I went to the same school (obviously much later - if you believe that, you’d believe anything) as Gareth Bale, Geraint Thomas and Sam Warburton
  • ixan57ixan57
    @HunnyBunny come on the Welsh. Think we playing Japanese tomorrow, that will be a laugh
  • Brian NBrian N
    I'm trying to work out how the Japanese qualified for the Euro's. Geography was never my forte at school, but that doesn't sound right.
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