@hunnybunny - the worst is walking along the road and seeing a grumpy old woman coming towards you and thinking "lighten up"and then realising its your own reflection in a plate glass window!

@Jim, did you put your name in your avatar, or did that "just happen"? I've seen a few other avatars with the member's name, and am curious.

@BPC
My wife did that - I couldn't handle it.
Me in 1934.

@BPC
Washington DC
She does, but not seriously.
What are "the groups"?

@mumsie42, now I definitely know I'm getting old...I had the same thing happen to me with the reflection, but being an argumentative person, I stopped to argue with it.

@Mumsie, who won depends on how @WereWolf69 used language. Here's what I mean:
Twisted English:

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

1] The bandage was wound around the wound.
2] The farm was used to produce produce.
3] The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4] We must polish the Polish furniture.
5] He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6] The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7] Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8] At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of
a bass drum.
9] When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10] I did not object to the object.
11] The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12] There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13] They were too close to the door to close it.
14] The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15] A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16] To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17] The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18] After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19] Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20] I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21] How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22] I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when
going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English
for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers
don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but
one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses
that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and
a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy
are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off
by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?

hmmmm...on second thought his reflection probably didn't even listen!

@hunnybunny -- No wonder only the British understand cricket.

Oh wow! Can't see keyboard for laughing! Luckily I feel much better so a fit of coughing did not ensue! Thanks!

@birdaddict & @hunnybunny, I'm sure that you all remember Abbot & Costello, they had a skit (of which I have a copy on .AVI) titled "Who's on First" that's just as hilarious now as it was 70 years ago...both of your posts reminded me of it.

Find it amazing that so many 'young people' want to spend time with us older, wiser(?) members of the nest! I met Brian Epstein once (used to manage The Beatles) and my hubby turned down the Beatles offer to play at his youth club cos they were more expensive than Gerry & the Pacemakers!

@mumsie, they're all at parties getting wasted (it's the weekend), while we seniors are at home puttering around doing a lot and accomplishing nothing.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a
partial sponge bath.
Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them".

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much. That was...wonderful. Now listen very,
very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

@birdaddict Very Funny :-D

@birdaddict, another English language odds joke, great!

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next
to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb
that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior
would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap,
so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun....
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me only $5.00.
Then you ask me one,
and if I don't know the answer,
I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and,
to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word,
but reaches into his pocket,
pulls out a five-dollar bill,
and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn.
He asks the lawyer,
"What goes up a hill with three legs,
and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references
he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows;
all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.
The senior pockets the $500.00
and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.
He wakes the senior up and asks,
"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs
and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket,
hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Birdaddict, where do you find these? I love the student nurse one!!! ;D

@mumsie42, @birdaddict, hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!. Wow, who would have thought that you two are great comediennes.

Hey! I knew that guy!!!

@mumsie very good!!! When are you and @birdaddict going on the road!! ;D

An Island native goes to the village drugstore and tells the clerk, Big Chief not poop, so, says the clerk, Big Chief's a little constipated today, ok, have him take this pill tonight and let me know tomorrow how it went...The native leaves and the next day he's back at the drugstore and the clerk asks him, how's the Chief today? The native replies, Big Chief not poop yet, so the clerk goes into his lab and starts preparing a concoction for the Chief which he hands to the native and says, tell Big Chief to drink this bottle of medicine tonight right after Supper and by tomorrow all should be fine, the native leaves and early the next morning he's back at the drugstore, so the clerk looking dumbfounded asks him, Big Chief's still having problems?? So the native all teary eyed replies, Big, Big Poop, no more Chief!!

@mumsie42, Hahahahahaha! that's one heck of a vocabulary enhanced parrot!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha, @werewolf I've never heard any of those, do you write them?

@birdaddict, that was Fantabulous!!!...I can't keep laughing like this, my dentures keep popping out.

A lot of the jokes I write are committed to memory from long ago, and some I hear from friends or read in magazines.

@werewolf69 @bird_addict @mumsie42 Bravo peeps....Bravo! VERY funny reading from you all! Birdaddict & mumsie I echo @sunshines thoughts,when are you taking your show on the road? :-D

@mumsie Seriously.....this the last time I'm saying this.......stop sending me this joke ;)